robdelaney:

Dear Unsettlingly Large Number of Mouth-Breathing Misogynist Fuck Faces Who Are Saying I “Proved Carolla’s Point” in my “Women in Comedy” Piece,

You are very, very stupid.

(If you, dear reader, are not an idiot and can’t immediately put yourself in the mindset of these sub-moronic shit-sniffers, these “critics” are saying that the following passage proves that Carolla is correct to state that “chicks aren’t as funny as dudes.”)

Funny, I tried to hire Megan Amram, Jamie Denbo, Morgan Murphy, Chelsea Peretti, Molly McNearney, and Shelby Fero (all of them are women, despite some of them having trans-gendered names) to work on my Comedy Central pilot last year either as staff or consultants, and NONE OF THEM COULD DO IT BECAUSE THEY ALREADY HAD JOBS BECAUSE THEY’RE SO WORLD-CLASS FUNNY AND THEY WERE INDISPENSABLE TO THOSE EXCITING, ENVIABLE JOBS - JOBS THAT ANY MAN WOULD KILL FOR, BUT - GUESS WHAT - PROBABLY WOULDN’T BE AS GOOD AT. So I actually wound up having a staff that had more guys than women because I couldn’t get the women I wanted. 

Some knuckle-dragging MAXIM subscribers think that the above paragraph proves that there are only six funny women in Hollywood, and once I exhausted that tiny list, I had to come back to the reservation after my fanciful visit to Menstruania, bite the bullet and hire some dudes whose DNA could reliably help me save the comedy day. Well guess what you stupid cunts? As I stated in the original piece, I ALSO THINK MEN ARE FUNNY (because I’m not a fucking idiot) and since I didn’t have a DICTATE to ONLY HIRE WOMEN, I gladly and smilingly hired the men who were mingled among the women at the top of my gender-fraternizing list. Guys like Chris McGuire, my amazing show runner, the legendary Frank Sebastiano, Brendon Walsh, Blaine Capatch and Chris Regan. 

Ugh, you fucking assholes, what I said, VERY CLEARLY, was that I think the funniest stuff is made when women and men work TOGETHER. At no point did I say I was on some CRUSADE to only staff women on my show but was then predictably dashed upon the rocks of inherent masculine comedic superiority when certain specific individuals, who happened to have vaginas weren’t available. 

You are afraid of women, which is so unfortunate for you. And you hate yourselves, since you have to do that first before you can effectively hate someone else. I really do not envy you. 

QFT: You are afraid of women, which is so unfortunate for you. And you hate yourselves, since you have to do that first before you can effectively hate someone else. I really do not envy you.