waderandolph:

There are few things in life as good as beef. Vegetarians, reconsider. Cows aren’t that cute. I’ve seen some that sort of beg to not be destroyed, but the others MUST. We need a cute patrol. Let’s round up the most empathetic people and let them say, “Yeah, that one there. He sort of looks like trouble.” Therefore, no regrets while consuming.

I heard the whole not ending a sentence in a preposition rule is FALSE. But have been far too lazy to up look it.

I was undecided if I would post this post until that last sentence.

You know that guy everyone knows who sucks? Fuck that guy. Why do we waste so much time on him? Let’s agree to never again worry about that guy. I, of course, am talking about the guy who uses the relative pronoun “that” to refer to people. People don’t that they who. Otherwise we’re no different than those troublesome non-cute cows. Cows that, they don’t who. Because critical thinking is key in whoing. I’m going to make some enemies in the english language club with this, because I am technically wrong.

They say we need spiders to kill bugs. Is that all? I’d prefer being overrun with flies than to have to take a shoe with me to the bathroom for the rest of my life because I once saw a spider there three weeks ago. And what are the flies for? God, reconsider the flies. Hang on, have I stumbled on the atheist’s perfect argument? If God exists, then WHAT ARE THE FLIES FOR?? (Yes, I’m aware, “what for are the flies?” But much like God, we’re unsure if that rule even exists. Not that God’s unsure about language rules — what a horrible different grammer problem I’ve stumbled upon. Upon which I’ve stumbled. DAMMIT.)

This is getting quickly away from me. My phone beeps and flashes when it’s running out of battery power. I would rather it stopped wasting its last gasps only in order to inform me of them. If you could be charged, phone, you would be. I’m not some sadist. The world isn’t out to get you, phone. Remember that.